As of this minute, I am 39 weeks pregnant. So, I’m due like any second now. While I wait for the big event to happen, I’m reflecting on the past 9.5 months, and to be fair, I’ve had a pretty good pregnancy, especially considering my age (38). Just headaches, backaches, and of course, the not fun part of limiting my usual activities- horseback riding, tennis, cardio, wine…yeah, all that had to come to a halt-but overall, it’s been a really cool, rewarding experience. It was actually way better than I had anticipated, and growing a human is literally the coolest thing I have ever gotten to do. But there is one gripe, aside from the migranes… the seemingly constant judgement from others.
Yeah, I knew that Mom-shaming is a thing, and I need to prepare myself for even more of it after Baby B comes, because everyone wants to judge everyone else’s parenting choices. Which is insane to me, because I’m pretty sure there are plenty of ways to be an awesome parent, and everyone has different ways of doing it well. But when the baby is in utero, it seems that you and your choices become public property immediately, there to have stones cast upon you when you are not even asking for it.
For example, a few weeks ago, I was loading groceries into my car at Wal-Mart. A woman cruised up to me in her motorized cart and admonished me for not wearing a mask. Seriously. “You better be wearing a mask with that baby inside you” was the direct quote. Even though I was outside and had noone around me, this crazy still felt the need to go out of her way to gove her unsolicited opinion. Or the woman at Starbucks telling me that I shouldn’t be drinking coffee while pregnant. (OB told me to go for it…just have a latte if I need an afternoon boost to cut back on caffeine) Or the aquaintance who told me that I was crazy if I didn’t breastfeed- all I had said was “We’ll see how it goes”- and she flipped saying that everyone should breastfeed. (Infertile women like me have less of a chance of success with that, so that’s why I wasn’t adamant that I would. I have no idea what’s going to happen, so I like to set my expectations low)
And of course there were the host of people judging me for horseback riding through the first timester (Again, appoved by OB) or the endless “Oh, you better not drink your wine” comments. Oddly enough, the OB even approved 1-2 glasses of red wine a week- but I’ve been more into Orange Juice, so it was kind of a moot point- but still… if I wanted to have that wine, hey, my choice. That reminds me, I was buying a bottle of Whiskey for JB and a woman at the liquor store said “I hope that’s not for you”. So what if it was? I mean, obviously it wasn’t, but still… having a baby bump seems to give everyone a free pass to state their opinions. If only it didn’t take me 10 minutes to come up with the perfect comeback. Ah, well. But it’s not just me who gets the judgement- check out this thread that popped up on the Whattoexpect forum: https://community.whattoexpect.com/forums/october-2021-babies/topic/dammit-im-having-a-glass-of-wine-122431802.html?utm_source=nl&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=dailydigest&utm_content=dd_C_20211003&member_id=996795242(I get these e-mails constantly, and this one caught my attention).
Jeebus… judge much?
Here’s the thing: Pregnancy is awesome, and it would be even more awesome if we could all mind our own damn business and let people make their choices without being harshly judged for it. Granted those choices aren’t obviously dangerous, like drugs, etc. But in my experience these past few months, people want to judge for the most inane reasons (Lunch meat! Epidural! Labor Induction!) and it’s stupid. Humans have existed for centuried upon centuries with some pretty shady conditions, and somehow, here we are. As for women, shouldn’t we be nicer and more understanding to each other? We are all going through the same thing- so please, stop judging over breastmilk vs. formula, or which car seat is the best. I’ve learned from all the pregnancy and motherhood forums that most people are craaaazzzyyy and I’ll just do what feels right for me and my family and let it be.
This actually can be applied to most things in life, really.
Also, to all of my amazing friends and family who have been nothing but supportive? I love you!
Also, I can’t wait for the Mommy-Judging to begin after Baby B is here. Maybe I’ll finally learn to have a snappy comeback in less than 10 minutes!
But most of all… I can’t wait to finally meet my baby boy, after all these years of trying. He is going to be so loved, and that is the most important thing of all.
You tell them that you already have a life coach and that you have been married to him for (?) many years. But, if the situation ever changes they can leave their name and 3 happy references with your husband for an interview to be next in line. ? (The Whoo)
Haha! I’ll just have a sign up sheet with me.
Ata Girl, we all learned by the seat of our pants, as there weren’t any instructions back when we started a family, but we survived!
My mom used to drive around town with me, my brother, all of our friends and 3 Great Danes unsecured in the back of a pick up truck. We all survived and became somewhat productive members of society.
Great to hbear from ya, Larry!
The bad news is ignorant people aren’t going away. But, the good news is you can turn them off and ignore them. My wife and I have been through pregnancy twice and wasn’t any different 18 yrs sgo..People didn’t know when to keep there yapper shut..You and your husband will find what works best for your son and your lives..There isn’t a right or wrong way, just your way. Some people don’t know when to give advice and just leave it alone..You know the people you can trust to give you answers, without being judgemental. Everything you do is a learning process..Frank Sinatra said it best, “Ill do it my way.”
I love any reference to Frank Sinatra! And thak you, always, for the kind words!
All you need to do is what is right for YOU. The internet has made it so easy for everyone to share their ‘wisdom’ and 90% of the time, you just have to ignore it. I drank wine with both of my pregnancies and my kids turned out great. Back when I had my first one, I used to get the ‘ you shouldn’t be smoking while pregnant’ crap. Yes, I am aware of the effects of smoking and yes there is a chance she could have been effected. My daughter was born with no issues and great lungs! I quit a few years ago but I still believe that people should mind their own business. Like my doctor didn’t tell me about the possible effects when I found out I was pregnant? lol. Since pretty much the beginning of time when tobacco was discovered, people have been smoking non stop, even pregnant women! Same thing with wine. If you think about it, wine is much safer to drink in general than it was say back in ancient Rome, and that was pretty much all anyone ever had to drink was wine lol. Society has planted the seed that everything we do that is not 100% organic and by the book, that we are horrible people. You do you and be the great mom we all know you will be!! Sorry for the book lol.
Thank you so much! Yeah, how did we survive as a species in the past? People smoked and drank while pregnant for years, and somehow we all survived… Yeah, we know more now, but still… if a mother feels ok with doing that, than let her! It’s noone’s business.
My beautiful friend, you are navigating pregnancy soooooo well!! Stay the course and screw the rest (I’m flipping a virtual bird to all those that have said and done those amazingly thoughtless things to you).
I love and miss you, so in your honor I’ve shamelessly bought some awesome shoes I knew you’d love!!
Love you, Renee!!! I wish you could meet my little nugget. He is pure perfecton!!! Well worth it all.